User talk:Ju$tadream

-- Wikinews Welcome (talk) 18:30, 6 March 2019 (UTC)

Welcome to Wikinews, Ju$tadream Gryllida (talk) 00:03, 8 March 2019 (UTC)

Re: Jeremy Corbyn hit on head with egg during visit to North London mosque
I've left a message here at the talk page of the article proposing several changes. Gryllida (talk) 00:08, 8 March 2019 (UTC)
 * Thanks for implementing these changes, Ju$tadream. Do you have a calendar or organizer? I've left a message at the talk page of the article, suggesting an action item for March 19. :) Please check. Gryllida (talk) 04:30, 8 March 2019 (UTC)

Re: Judge rejects Chelsea Manning's request to quash grand jury subpoena
At the talk page I have proposed a change to the last paragraph. Please check. If you need any help just ask. Gryllida (talk) 00:19, 8 March 2019 (UTC)
 * Changed the headline as suggested by the reviewer. Re-submitted for review. Gryllida (talk) 04:22, 10 March 2019 (UTC)
 * Actually no, left it out of the review queue (the news is stale) Gryllida (talk) 04:23, 10 March 2019 (UTC)

Re: Chelsea Manning enters indefinite detention after being found in contempt of court
Hi Ju$tadream

I'm very sorry for only being able to share a few thoughts about this article today: yesterday I was effectively offline (I have spent some time online, but it was full of another urgent task with a deadline).

Items 1-4 and 6 are minor corrections, item 5 may need more content editing:

1) Regarding "Former US army soldier Chelsea Manning was taken into custody on Friday", perhaps this can be written in active voice instead:

Authorities took former US army soldier Chelsea Manning into custody on Friday

I think it may make the story more clear to read.

2) I'd suggest changing "The arrest comes after Manning's refusal earlier this week" to past tense ('came') as this event occurred in the past. Could you please do that?

3) "Manning was convicted by a military tribunal in 2013" is passive voice again, this time looks easy to correct :-)

4) "for, among other things, leaking a graphic video showing a US helicopter gunship opening fire on civilians in Iraq, including two Reuters cameramen." could be split into a separate sentence, the sentence is too long.

5) In my opinion it would be great to have more background information for this article. For instance I did not understand what "her sentence was commuted" means. Additionally in the first paragraph it says "refusal earlier this week to provide testimony to a grand jury" but a) are people always imprisoned indefinitely for refusing to testify or what?, and b) what is a "grand" jury.

6) For timing, did the court hearing also occur on the same day (Friday) or on another day?

If you would like help with any of this please leave a message.

To reply please click here.

--Gryllida (talk) 04:18, 10 March 2019 (UTC)
 * I guess also based on the feedback from the previous reviewer, this headline also needs tweaking to become more clear to the international audience.
 * Possible option:
 * US federal Judge sends Chelsea Manning to jail for refusing to testify in the Wikileaks case Gryllida (talk) 04:26, 10 March 2019 (UTC)
 * US federal Judge sends Chelsea Manning to jail for refusing to testify in the Wikileaks case Gryllida (talk) 04:26, 10 March 2019 (UTC)
 * US federal Judge sends Chelsea Manning to jail for refusing to testify in the Wikileaks case Gryllida (talk) 04:26, 10 March 2019 (UTC)

Re: Chelsea Manning enters indefinite detention after being found in contempt of court
This event occurred on the 8th, and now it is the 12th of March. This is old news, unless new developments occurred. I would like to suggest you to change the review tag to stale accordingly.

I am a bit sad to see this happen given your prompt responses to suggestions for improvement. Sorry about this; our 'publish' reviewers appear to be unavailable. :-(

One way to assist is by editing others' stories, perhaps this helps other reviewers and authors. The guide is style guide, content guide, pillars; the others' drafts to check are in the newsroom.

--Gryllida (talk) 09:08, 12 March 2019 (UTC)


 * Hi. There was another concern with the article as it was, which should be noted for future avoidance; see my review comments. --Pi zero (talk) 17:30, 12 March 2019 (UTC)